I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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