She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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