If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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