i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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