You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
