we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
