The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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