It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize