You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
