The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize