the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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