Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
