It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize