You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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