What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
