I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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