Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
