jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
