guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
