if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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