Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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