Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
