I think I died a long time ago.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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