I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The Olympian is in my bed
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize