shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
