I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
