I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
