I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
