In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
