Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
