The best revenge is premature balding
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
