Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
