Are we in a gay sports bar?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
