I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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