i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
