ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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