So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
