what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sick fucks of a feather flock together
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
