He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
