I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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