Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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