I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
