Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
