I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize