I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
