im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
