I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
