I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
