Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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