Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
