Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Of course I have a pirate flag
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize