He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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