Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
