he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Randomize
