he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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