Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
