i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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