You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
