he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
