If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
