I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
