i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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