these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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