i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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