i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
