Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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