Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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